Sandy Sea Shells

Holding back the tears

2012-01-23T01:40:00.001-08:00

SCROLL DOWN---SCROLL DOWN

Days gone by

2012-01-23T00:27:00.000-08:00

What a beautiful life I have.

Brandi has a white coat with her name on it!

2012-01-15T21:36:00.000-08:00

Last week Brandi had her 'WHITE COAT CEREMONY'. It symbolizes that she starts taking care of actual patients. Pat and Merrilee flew out here for it. We are all so proud of her hard work with continuing to pursue her education.

Poem from another mother. M.I.S.S

2012-01-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

"A Mother's Pain"

You might see me smiling, but what you don't see

is that I'm screaming behind that smile.

You see me going on with everything, work,

groceries, life in general, what you don't see

is that it takes every ounce of energy to breathe.

You see me sitting alone with my thoughts,

what you don't see is that I'm talking to him.

You hear me say "I am fine," what you don't see

You see me and think "she's back to normal",

what you don't see that there is no normal for me anymore.

You see me and think Oh God I hope this never happens to me,

what you don't see is that as much as I long for you to understand me...

I hope this never happens to you either.

You see me laughing and joking with others

and think she must be "getting over what happened"

what you don't see is I can never get over this.

You see me sad and you don't know what to say,

so you keep going, what you don't see is that all I really want

is for you to ask How am I really doing and give me a hug.

You see that life goes on, what you don't see

is that the life I had will never be the same again.

You see that I am strong.. do not be decieved,

what you don't see is that I am weak and weary,

and some days I'm on the edge. What you see is a mask.

.a lie, the mask helps you cope with me and myself,

what you don't see is the raw unbearable pain.

you could never understand anyway unless you walk a mile in my shoes....

God Forbid.

Submitted by member Cath

China (out of the box)

2011-12-25T21:12:00.000-08:00

This is for mom.
I did keep 6 place setting of Grandma's.
This pattern I think is Grandma Criswell's.
On the back it says "Joy".
This is not the 'Wheat' pattern
I also kept some serving dishes but they are still packed.
Anyway, we enjoyed using them for our special dinner and the table turned out very nice.
Thanks mom.

I have been carry this boxed up china around with me since 1984-1986?? Anyway a long time, and have never used it. Now after giving everything away before leaving SLC . I did pack these and now they are the only dishes I have to eat off of
When I was 16 I had an idea in my head what my life was going to be like.
I just have to laugh out loud, because this "Real Life" of mine does not even come close..

This is why there is a "Kids table"

2011-12-25T21:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas Dinner

2011-12-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas Lasgnacomplete with bread, italian orange & onion salad, tossed green salad, red, white & green jello salad, and good friends.

Week update December 17, 2011

2011-12-19T20:40:00.001-08:00

The week in review.
Thursday - Girls Night Out with Kenny G. EX-CELL-ENT!
next, Anna and Lexi's piano recital at the mall. wonderful
Matt & Brandi with UGLY sweater party. BRANDI won. Matt should have too. I thought he was wearing a 'Yak'. Itchy & Ugly.
Then time for cookies. Candy cane cookies, and Brandi's 'Killer gingersnap Cookies'.

Charity

2011-12-18T20:18:00.001-08:00

The Salvation Army's eleven articles of faith reflect our determination to remain faithful to our standards and principles. All members of The Salvation Army are encouraged to review these principles from time to time and to reaffirm before God their dedication to Him and to His good works. We believe that the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments were given by inspiration of God, and that they only constitute the Divine rule of Christian faith and practice. We believe that there is only one God, who is infinitely perfect, the Creator, Preserver, and Governor of all things, and who is the only proper object of religious worship. We believe that there are three persons in the Godhead - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, undivided in essence and co-equal in power and glory. We believe that in the person of Jesus Christ the Divine and human natures are united, so that He is truly and properly God and truly and properly man. We believe that our first parents were created in a state of innocence, but by their disobedience, they lost their purity and happiness, and that in consequence of their fall, all men have become sinners, totally depraved, and as such are justly exposed to the wrath of God. We believe that the Lord Jesus Christ has by His suffering and death made an atonement for the whole world so that whosoever will may be saved. We believe that repentance toward God, faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and regeneration by the Holy Spirit are necessary to salvation. We believe that we are justified by grace through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and that he that believeth hath the witness in himself. We believe that continuance in a state of salvation depends upon continued obedient faith in Christ. We believe that it is the privilege of all believers to be wholly sanctified, and that their whole spirit and soul and body may be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. We believe in the immortality of the soul, the resurrection of the body, in the general judgment at the end of the world, in the eternal happiness of the righteous, and in the endless punishment of the wicked. < with so many charities out there, this is the one I choose to support the most. Even though there are some differences in details of their beliefs, their mission and intent is the same as mine. One example is that I believe the Godhead are three separate beings. God the Father, his son, Jesus Christ and the holy spirit. But Charity is not about religion. >I support the Salvation Army for many reasons. Of course the main reason I have recently looked more into this Charity is because of their active participation in helping prisoners and people who are released from prison. They have follow-up programs, they hire them, the minister to them, they help house them, and get back on their feet. They also do many other wonderful things besides buy Christmas presents. They work tirelessly year round.

GETTING THROUGH THE WEEK

2011-12-11T18:48:00.001-08:00

It's nice to have this trail right across the street of Brandi's house.

This is where I jog, walk the dogs, spend alone time, and "HANG" out with my girls for small adventures and exploring.

What's a Disney on Ice Show without cotton candy. $24 Cotton Candy!! Say what? on yea, it came with a stupid foam crown.

Lexi & Anna practicing their new ice skating moves. Look at the lady in the background.

Lexi and I had some alone time together so we went and had a pedi and massage. (chair)
(by the way, those are Lexi's hairy legs)
I think this is God's way of taking care of my needs, and help me from going down. Being with my grand kids helps me appreciate the small moments. I'm still waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for my phone to ring and hear my son's voice on the end of it.

This is for SHEILA.

Mary did you know

2011-12-07T21:48:00.001-08:00

1st week in December at Brandi's house.

2011-12-04T18:33:00.000-08:00

This last week I've been having fun listening and observing how family traditions start out.
Lexi and Anna have been filling me in on all the things they do during this time of year. For example they remembered, without hesitation, that it was Anna's turn to put the Star * ON TOP of the Tree.
They also showed me a special gift box under the tree where they write down a gift for Jesus. (ie; service, obeying commandments, ways to honor him, etc.) It was fun listening to them tell me all about how their mom "MAKES THE BEST" Lasagna for Christmas Eve. (I had to snicker, and wink at Brandi) I said, "I don't know about that? My mom makes the best lasagna". Well they insisted that their mom does. And that's the way it should be.

I also noted the stockings. Matt & Brandi both have their original childhood stockings. Matt's was hand knitted by his 'MeMe' and Brandi's still has the original MASKING TAPE, name tag that I put on it, back in 1980. (See how CREATIVE-cheap I was back then?)
So that, My friend is how FAMILY TRADITIONS GET STARTED.

Things I saw on my walk this week. The lake was like glass.
Notice the reflection.

My first college basketball game. It was FUN. Tar-heels won!

And then, Late last night (midnight) Brandi and I made homemade cinnamon rolls for a friend who's father just died.
It was worth staying up till 2:30am to be able to show love and concern for others. (and they made the house smelled good, and we all enjoyed them also.

Mother's of Incarcerated Sons Society

2011-12-03T05:24:00.001-08:00

I am happy to report that I found a really good on-line support group called,
Mother's of Incarcerated Sons Society. (M.I.S.S.)
These women/mother's are learning how to cope and survive this ordeal along with our sons. It seems like a really good, safe place to vent our feelings, and let others know they are not alone, and we truly understand this constant pain that is always just under the surface.

constant ache

2011-11-28T17:17:00.001-08:00

Still waiting to talk to my son. Does it get easier? No.
We communicate through the mail, which is good. I continue to count my blessings, but some days it's still hard to get out of bed.

Acceptance- Is a person's agreement to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it , protest, or exit.

Well if that is one of the definitions of acceptance, I'm a long way from there.

I didn't 'agree' to experience this situation.
I have no idea how to deal with this 'process or condition' of this negative situation.
And, I have 'attempted to change it, protest it, and exit.'

So, I'll keep trying to accept my life.
Some days, I do good, and some days I don't.
I miss my son.

Photo by, Sandy Beals in the Smoky Mountains

playing with color

2011-11-26T19:23:00.000-08:00

3 blondes (got any jokes?)

2011-11-25T22:15:00.000-08:00

This week sights

2011-11-25T16:43:00.000-08:00

Just a few things that caught my camera's eye
this week.

I'm the lucky one.....

2011-11-23T19:45:00.001-08:00

EVERY DAY- I AM THANKFUL.
Mom, Dad, sisters, 3 children, 4 grandchildren, cousins, ice cream, whip cream, my pets, cowboys, warm tea, blue ribbons, brothers who love their little sister, and lilacs.

Fall

2011-11-22T18:57:00.001-08:00

Simple pleasure. Fall Fun for Kids. I raked them. Lexi and Anna bagged them. And we are all Grateful for them.

I think fall is my favorite season. Well, maybe spring is? I sure do like fresh fallen snow. Summer BBQ's, and water activities is pretty cool too.
I think I just like experiencing seasons.
Arizona doesn't really have 4 seasons. I'm glad I've been able to experience them. Now I realize how beautiful they are.

I'm still waiting

2011-11-18T19:16:00.000-08:00

"When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind waiting there. "

-George Harrison

Painting by, Winslow Homer

David Collage

2011-11-16T19:48:00.000-08:00

I JUST INSTALLED PICASA, AND I'M TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO DO DIFFERENT THINGS WITH IT. SHEILA, HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR PICTURES LARGER?

Went for a 'Sunday Drive'

2011-11-15T18:27:00.001-08:00

Remember when people use to go for a 'Sunday Drive'? I can remember our parents sometimes just going for a drive. No where special, just a spontaneous little drive. Well, after I went to church a native North Carolinian asked if I wanted to go for drive and see what's around. This is what I saw. A simple Methodist Church on a country road with the cemetery next to it. As were driving I spotted what I thought were Giant black & white Pigs! (I need new contacts.) Turns out they were "Belted Galloway" Cows from Scotland. They were 'Furry' cows. We also stop a Lake Jordan and saw some sail boats blow by. And of course so many beautiful trees and colors. After a nice day of site seeing he cook me some Venison Stroganof. It was a nice day.

Brandi is 31. What?

2011-11-14T20:40:00.000-08:00

How can it be? My little beauty Queen turned 31.
My little Brandi was born sweet. BUT......
don't let her looks deceive you. This little cutie pie is, Pretty,
Smart, and tough.
She has been nothing but a joy in my life. I am so proud to say; yep, that's my girl. I've done a lot of things wrong. But, I must have done one thing right.

I Love her so much.

My brain is different

2011-11-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

My brain cells and brain chemistry is different than many. It's not my fault, I didn't cause it. It's just the way my brain is. I have learned to 'manage' it, and how to live with it and TRY to function normally. First, I had to come to a place where I could ACCEPT it. I've tried to deny it, cover it up, and act normal. (but only for a limited time.) Once I accepted it, and say out loud the words, "I'm bipolar" than was I able to manage it, and learn more about it, and use medication for it. There is no cure for it. I will be bipolar until I die. I will have to be under a doctors care for the rest of my life just like a diabetic. It has been an embarrassing and hard illness to accept. I kept thinking I was 'tough enough' to control it myself. Really that's stupid. I can't control it myself, anymore than a heart patient can control her heartbeat by herself. I need help medically to manage my illness. I'm grateful that I was finally able to accept my illness and still be the wonderful person I am. I still am embarrassed about it sometimes, but at least I'm managing. So there, I wrote it down for anyone to see. Now do you look at me different than before? Now do you think I'm crazy? Now do you think you're better than me, because you don't have a brain disorder, an illness? Now will you talk behind my back, or will you talk to me, and ask me questions so you can better understand? "How do you like me now?"

Just thinking about FENCES

2011-11-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

I have discovered that I have an attraction for fences.

FENCES that keep me trapped inside, & FENCES that keep me out.

FENCES that promote beauty & can hold you up when weary.

FENCES for my protection and to protect my family.

FENCES to keep me safe from harm.

A simple FENCE, with simple lines, with a purpose. To help me weather the storms of my life.

For my Children and Grand-children

2011-11-04T21:24:00.000-07:00

Places I made a point to go see before I left the Indiana. Above & below is a picture of the 'Gary Bathhouse'. It is a historic building from the 1930's. They are presently restoring it. You can rent it for Weddings, parties, anniversaries, etc. It sits right on Michigan Lake Beach and you can see the Chicago skyline on the balcony. Beautiful building.

I stopped by the Indiana Dunes National Park where there is a really cool farm, and hiking trails, and beautiful forest. The beach is only like, 0.7 miles to hike to.

This building is at the dunes, where Nancy walks alot. I think mom will recognize this one.

This red brick building is where my Grandma & Grandpa Criswell's Shoe shop was, and my mom grew up.
It also is the first house Sheila lived in, and the last house I lived in before we left for Arizona in a truck named DOROVASASH. My Dad had a degree in his back pocket, my mom with a 6 week old baby named Sheila, on her lap, and 3 other daughters in the camper on the back, and a Whole lot of Faith. ('cuz that's how we roll.)

The house in Gary, Indiana. Where I was born. People ask if I remember living there? It think I remember the back yard being like a forest. I think I remember looking out the window in the living room. and the driveway having snow on it. But that's about it. It is only a few blocks away from the beach.
Those things were important for me to go see. I wanted my children and grand-children to know where I come from. And, where their Aunts, Grand-parents, and Great-grandparents come from. A very different life than Arizona.

Time with my Indiana Cousins

2011-11-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

Although my time was short, I was able to see all 5 of my Indiana Cousins. I stayed the night at Nancy and Bonnie's. And stayed at Becky's till way past midnight visiting, and catching up. The thing about our family is, although miles and time separate us our love is strong. Our grand-parents and father's genes run deep. We are able to understand each other. Accept one another's differences, and our humor, is exactly the same. We do have a different kind of humor. We all live different lives, yet we are so much alike.

I was truely born into a unique family. I thank God everyday for my diverse family. What a blessing to be different yet the same.

INDIANA (where I come from)

2011-10-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

INDIANA
After crossing 5 states into state #6. I arrive into My HOME STATE. Where I come from. Where 'My People' come from. Anxious to see my family, and familiar places. (more to come)

ILLINOIS

2011-10-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

Crossed the muddy MISSISSIPPI RIVER AND INTO ILLINOIS.

Another nascar speedway. CHICAGO LAND SPEEDWAY.
This time I didn't get locked in. Just a few pictures to say I way there.

IOWA

2011-10-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

IOWA       Iowa was not that exciting UNTIL, I came across the IOWA MOTOR SPEEDWAY!
                      SO, I'm driving along I-80 and out in the middle of a corn field, there it is!   A NASCAR RACE TRACK.   What? Well, I had to go check it out and get a picture to say I was there.    So I drive around the track and find an open gate AND Sugar and I drive through it to get close to the track. I was thinking this is really cool, I was able to drive right up to the bleachers to take pictures and check it out.   When I was done I drove back to the gate I came through and guess what?    I was locked in!   Someone had chain locked the gate.
All I could do was start laughing, and try to figure out what to do next.
My first thought was to climb the fence and go get help, but who would be able to help me? Only the guy with the key, right? Well who knows where he drove off to.
So next thought.   Call the police to help me. hmmmm?
Next thought, Call the speedway ticket office and hope a HUMAN & not a recording answers. So that's what I did. First the recording, but then an extension to the Administration office. YEA.
A HUMAN ANSWERED.   I told the lady on the phone my delimia and she was very helpful, she directed me to another gate around and across the track. About 60 seconds in front of me a guy in a truck had just locked it, and was driving off. He was leaving, I got the lady back on the phone and told her he just locked the gate, I started honking, and jumped out of my truck and started yelling,
"I'M LOCKED IN!"                  He came back & let me out. So that's my experience at the Iowa NASCAR motor Speed way!   LOL

Of course the next thing that interested me was
THE WORLD'S LARGEST TRUCK STOP. Clean bathrooms, and your choice of Wendy's, Dairy Queen, Taco Bell, or PIZZA HUT. Yummy.

Finally, at one of the rest stops, (which was extremely clean also) is where there were trees with colorful leaves. It also was where President Herbert Hoover was raised, and the Mormon hand-cart party crossed on there way to Utah.

NEBRASKA

2011-10-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

NEBRASKA What's happening in Nebraska?
Part of the Pony Express route went through there, and then there was corn, corn, barn, corn, and CORNHUSKERS.
That's about it.

2011-10-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

I left my downtown Salt Lake City apartment today. It is a beautiful fall day. I was anxious to get my adventure started. I thought I would cry a little but I didn't. Jinxy was sad though. He knew I was packing & stared at me from under the couch. He will be staying behind, with Greg.
    Well I can mark another State that I don't want to live in.
                                               WYOMING.
Nothing to keep my attention.   Boring.

Heading East

2011-10-17T05:15:00.000-07:00

Well, Sugar and I are off to see the Wizard. We're just going to follow the yellow brick road and have a little adventure. I hope I get a brain, and find some ruby slippers along the way.
'Gotta keep movin'.

Be still

2011-10-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea,

Peace, be still.

And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

matthew 4:39

Mark 4:40- Why is it that I am so fearful? How is it that I have no faith??

True Beauty- Mandisa

2011-10-11T14:19:00.001-07:00

It's just lunch

2011-10-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

I have no control over anything.
I'm trying to manage and maintain, as best I can.

       I'm having a hard time, making small decisions. Big decisions seem easier.

Let's see?? I think I will move to North Carolina.     Packed.

Should I have a second surgery on my neck?     No. Manage the pain with an epidural & pain specialist for 1 year.

Should I try to save a 10 year relationship?     No.

Is there anything that I can do to be able to have contact with David? No. I'm doing everything I can.

So,   what's for dinner?   don't know-don't care

Go have lunch with a friend tomorrow?   too complicated. then I have to decide, what time? where? am I even hungry? how much $ is that gonna cost me? How much $ is in my pocket? If I stay in, I bet I can save $20. $20 is a half tank of gas, a half tank a gas is 150 miles closer to North Carolina.
see how my mind can just take off & start running and heading for an anxiety attack over a 'burger and fries, with a friend?

ya gotta luv "George Strait" Give it away-baby

2011-10-07T18:25:00.001-07:00

leaves are changing.......LOOK FAST

2011-10-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

A LITTLE, RED, Some yellow, green, AND THEN........
WHITE.

that's what I saw today.

Salvation Army a wonderful organization to support

2011-10-05T05:26:00.000-07:00

The Salvation Army is an International movement. It is a evangelical part of the Universal Christian Church. It's message is based on the bible. It's ministry is motivated by the love of God. it's mission is to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and to meet human needs in His name, without discrimination. Reasons that I donate to Salvation Army. They have many outreach programs for those in need. One thing along with disaster relief, Christmas charity, kids camp, and what caught my attention now, is Prisoner Rehabilitation. (They also have a truck that comes right to your door to take away your stuff.)

Through cooperative arrangements with prison, probation, and parole officials throughout the country, The Salvation Army plays a growing role in prison rehabilitation and crime prevention. In some jurisdictions, prisoners are paroled to the direct custody of The Salvation Army. Services include Bible correspondence courses, pre-release job-training programs, employment opportunities in cooperation with parole personnel, material aid, and spiritual guidance to both prisoners and their families.

Community-based rehabilitation centers are the trend in the field of corrections. Many Salvation Army rehabilitation centers and Harbor Light Centers have served as designated halfway houses where former prisoners can participate in work-release programs. Those convicted of minor offenses often are given the opportunity to accept placement in community service programs at corps community centers and institutions as an alternative to incarceration, or in the last months of their sentences.

In addition, Salvation Army officers and volunteers lead worship services in jails and prisons. A national Salvation Army Correctional Services Sunday is observed. Counseling and emergency assistance also are available to crime victims.

My New Favorite Christian Singer

2011-10-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

This is MANDISA. She sang at the Women of Faith Conference. She also was on American Idol a few seasons back, but didn't even make it through the try-outs. She also has lost about 100lbs. She is really good. I will be posting more of her songs. I can really relate to her songs right now. I think others will enjoy her too.

2011-10-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

These are "stretcher bearers". These are women I had never met. These are women of faith. These are women who knew me by name, they knew my son, David by name. They knew our story. They have been praying for myself and our family. Some of them, made the long drive out to Florence, and sat in the court room all day in support of David. These women were such a wonderful example of Christ's teachings of love, compassion, and carrying others burdens. They were understanding, and accepting of my unusual, heartbreaking circumstance.

I have received, and recognize how the power of prayer by others, for others, can help sustain us during our most difficult and painful times. My intense pain, anxiety, depression, is just below the surface. It has come to the surface, more than once, in the form of anger, panic, screaming, crying, and collapsing. Yet, here I am, back on my feet, still moving. It is because of God's mercy and strength and people like these.

Because of Sue Paulson, (David's step-mom). I was able to attend a wonderful "Women of Faith" Conference. It was very uplifting, and encouraging. Inspiration women speakers telling their stories. Sharing the Grace of Christ. The music was Great. Non-Denominational Christian teachings.

CHAPTER 51

2011-09-26T01:28:00.000-07:00

Well, you know what I say.... "Gotta keep movin'. I'm leaving Arizona homeless, single, unemployed with a different vehicle, a different hairdo, God on my side, and a pocket full of faith.
We all have a story about our life and I'm beginning CHAPTER 51.
Let's see where this road leads me now.
Ready? Set. GO!

Today I choose to cry uncontrollably

2011-09-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had to go pick up David's "Property". That's a new term to use for my son's jeans, socks, shoes, shirt, belt, books, school work, and bible. 'They' brought it out to me in a large trash bag.

It is so surreal.
I haven't touched David since 'they' jerked him & me out of the car, in the middle of intersection, and threw us both down, with our faces smashed on the hot June asphalt, with red & blue lights flashing all around, 15 or more guns pointing at us, a crowd of people gathering around taking pictures, handcuffed us, and stuffed us in separate cars.
Could that of really happened?

It's been 3+ years.
I'm still not sure how to process my feelings.   I guess it falls under the category of   "Grief".
I kinda know what to expect when grieving the loss of my grand parents, friend, father, pet.
But, this. this is.... ???

I can hear my son's voice on the end of the phone. I can see him on a video tv. I even saw him like a 3-D vision, live, in a court room, 10 feet away from me, and couldn't reach out, and hold him.
Is that really possible? Why not just one hug? That's not even humane is it?
If he had physically died ,they would have let me hold him. 'They' would have let me run my fingers through his beautiful red hair.
How can 'they' torture a mother and a son like this?

I don't want to hear there's still hope. I don't want to hear God has a plan. I don't want to hear you still can appeal. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT TODAY!

I just want my son back. I just want to go camping and swimming, and to the movies, and family parties, and vacations. I just want to laugh and joke, and help him go to school, or work, or whatever his goals are. I just want a day without heartache and worry that he's in a cell alone. That he's not being hurt. That he can see the moon and the stars. The sunshine and the rain.
           ONE DAY! ONE DAY!

Today. At this moment, the PAIN is deep, and unbearable. Today, I will cry, until my eyes swell shut, until my nose runs dry, until I can't even breath.
Until I can't stand up.
      I will FEEL a "FEELING" that I hope none of you ever have to feel as a mother, or a father.

                      He's Gone, Yet he's Here.

Brooke turns two

2011-09-14T23:19:00.000-07:00

My sweet Little Brooke Charlotte Beals turns two years old.

Brooke is so cute. She is really coordinated and rides her little ATV through dirt and puddles.
She keeps up with her big brother pretty well. I'm so happy I have gotten to spend time with her and watch her grow.

This was really amazing to me. How do your cousins come to birthday from North Carolina? Well, if you know how to do it, you connect with them through 'face time'. Brooke is talking to Lexi here. A great way to keep the family connected.

Jen and Curtiss put on the most fabulous cake and ice cream party. You'll have to check their blog for the really cool table she had set up. It was so good.

Great Grandma looking at some of her gifts with her.

So, that was a Happy-Happy Day!

David turned 21

2011-09-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'M JUST HANGING ON---WHILE THIS OLD WORLD KEEPS SPINNING---
AND IT'S GOOD TO KNOW IT'S OUT OF MY CONTROL---
IF THERE'S ONE THING THAT I'VE LEARNED FROM ALL THIS LIVIN'
IS, IT WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING IF I LET GO----

A page from my journal- February 3, 2010

2011-09-05T23:31:00.000-07:00

February 3, 2010

Good Day.
Went back to work at Huntsman Cancer Hospital. I love it. It is such a beautiful facility, with wonderful people to be around. Although there are sad stories, the energy and love there is amazing. It truly is a unique hospital. A calm, peaceful, positive energy is there.
Ying and Yang.
The Ying is the happiness and joy I get when I drive up the mountain to go to work.
The Yang is the heartache and pain I also get when I drive up the mountain, pass the Emergency room entrance at the University of Utah Hospital, where my world and David's life was forever changed.

I do it though.
I still shed tears.
But, I do it.
I FEEL it.
It hurts.
I breath.
I ask for God's love and mercy.
Through Him, I have the strength to do it.
Does it get easier?
My answer today is No. Will the pain get less? Only God knows.

It's a beautiful day. I can see the mountains. I can feel the cool air on my face. I have gratitude in my heart.

I'm waiting for my phone to ring and hear David's voice to let him know how much I love him. In the meantime, I turn him over to God's everlasting care.
Gotta keep moving. Thank you Lord for your strength.

my life is not always seashells & rainbows

2011-09-05T14:06:00.000-07:00

Many days I wake up, and think,
I have a horrible-wonderful life.

My life is full. FULL OF........

happiness and heartache
blessings and sadness
energy and depression
strength and weakness
unable to forgive, yet feel forgiven
be hopeful, yet feel helpless
out of control, yet knowing God is in control
keep moving, but standing still

Horrible and Wonderful

Things I love to do

2011-09-02T21:22:00.000-07:00

HUNTING-- I have always loved being a tom-boy, and love being outdoors, doing what a lot of women think are 'men sports'. I love learning and teaching my boys, and girl about guns and hunting, cleaning, and cooking wild game. Why? Because, these are basic tools for survival. You never know when these simple skills could come in handy for your family.

ANIMALS-- Animals were placed here by God. We need to respect them, understand their purposes, and most importantly, Love them.

GOLF --Golf is NOT a man's sport. Golf is an excuse to get outdoors, and challenge yourself, and relax in beautiful settings. Sharing time with those you love.

FISHING- challenging. A true test of patience, and also Exhilarating when a fish is on the end of your hook!

CAMPING- The beauty, the smell, the stars, the work, a lesson on how to live with the 'basics'.

I am so blessed to be able to do these things in my life, during the most stressful time in my entire life.

When God promised that he would provide for our needs, he has certainly manifested to me,
that he will.

Moments of pure Happiness

2011-08-29T00:59:00.000-07:00

Watching my grandkids

Being able to see David and the horses he loves.

I love those dogs.

And being around for little things, like Kempton's 1st day of school.

My life is not always seashells and rainbows

2011-08-20T21:15:00.000-07:00

As things settle down I am going to blog some of the "HORRIBLE" things I've experienced in the last 5 years and some of the "WONDERFUL"
THINGS I've been through.

Get ready for Mr. Toad's Wild Ride!

My Horrible - Wonderful life

2011-08-20T01:34:00.000-07:00

God must have plan.

A Timely Devotional

2011-07-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

Bill Crowder wrote-
                                      Recently I was called for jury duty. It meant extraordinary inconvenience and lots of lost time, but it was also serious business. During the first day's orientation, the judge lectured us on the responsibility at hand and the important nature of the task. We were going to sit in judgment of people who either had disputes (civil court) or were charged with crimes (criminal court). I felt a great sense of inadequacy for the task at hand. Passing judgement on another person, with serious life consequences riding on the decision, is not a simple thing. Because we're flawed human beings, we may not always make the right judgements.
While the justice systems of our world might struggle and falter because of the inherent failing of the humans that manage them, we can always trust our God to excel in wisdom and fairness. The psalmist sang, "The Lord reigns; the world also is firmly established, it shall not be moved; He shall judge the peoples righteously" (Ps. 96:10). God judges according to righteousness-defined by His own perfect justice and flawless character.
We can trust God now when life seems unfair, knowing that He will one day make all things right in His final court (2 Cor. 5:10).

                                                        One day God will right every wrong.

A & W ROOTBEER

2011-07-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

This is what the A & W Root beer Stand looked like that Ronna worked at. We had one like this on Main street and Mesa Drive. You could sit in your car and a car hop would come out with a tray that hooked onto the window.
Then there was another A & W out in East Mesa and I think both Vallerie and Ronna worked at that one. It was always such a fun, cool treat to go and get a root beer float on a hot summer day. They were the best. I'm sure Ronna has more memories she could tell us.

A & W ROOTBEER

2011-07-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

I am going to write my thoughts and memories about how I feel when I see A&W ROOTBEER.

and........

I would like to hear some of your memories.

Road Trippin'

2011-07-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

I usually gravitate toward running water when stressed. Or just the wide open road.

I like to be surrounded by God's Beauty to remind me of his magnificent strength and power that sustains me.

Small little towns with a slower energy field. Simple pleasures and a Ice cream cone.

I came across the wonderful smell of horses, leather and cowboys and cowgirls.

"Where the deer and the BUFFALO roam".

Fence posts and barbed wire. Trying to keep something in, at the same time keeping something out. But the beauty remanins the same. Some say I'm 'impulsive'. Some call me 'bipolar'. Others may say I'm spontaneous. I'd say I'm all those things.

I'm a survivor.
I'm stronger than I think.
I'm weaker than I know.
I'm happier than I should be.
I'm sadder than I realize.
I'm a winner.
Even tho' sometimes I loose.
I'm smart, but I'm stupid.
I'm loved, and I'm loving.
I fall down, but so far, I keep getting up.

I STINK at Practicing Meditation

2011-07-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

Random things that POP in my Mind when I'm trying to meditate.

If I say, "I'm Hot." What do you think I mean???

Does it mean that I'm Angry?

Does it mean that I'm "SWEATY" Hot?

Or maybe it means, I'm SEXY HOT???

This is one of the problems I have with short text messaging of face book. Alot of people can misinterpret what you said. I think for serious conversations you should still use that invention called a telephone.

Here's another thought that POPPED in my head while meditating.

Why DO cats have Canines?

Why is the Capital of the United States called District of Columbia??

Just trying to meditate and clear my mind. I also thought about water balloons, Kempton, a Uhaul truck, Thai food, the Dalai Lama, and I think the litter box needs to be changed.

Random meditations. hahaha

Joy in the Morning

2011-07-15T11:37:00.000-07:00

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
-Psalm 30:5

Psalm 40:1-5
1. I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth--Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord. Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust, and does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies. Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works which You have done; and Your thoughts toward us cannot be recounted to You in order; if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

David was enduring some tough times when he wrote this psalm. It seems that a least some of his troubles were brought on by his own sins and others by his enemies. But this is also David's praise song, to be used in congregational worship to thank God for His merciful deliveance and testify that God can be trusted. In response to God's faithfulness, David repented and committed to obey God's Word and do His will.
Our personal experiences of God's kindness and mercy should naturally result in public thanks and testimony. -sim kay tee

I Love Arizona Lakes

2011-07-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

A Wonderful escape to one of the beautiful lakes along the Salt River Canyon in Arizona. Curt and Jen took me and Greg out for a fun time at Canyon Lake. I grew up on these Lakes. So many happy memories.

This is a rope way back toward the dam. This is a HIGH rope you have to climb up to and the drop is probably about 25 feet. Curtiss did it, and then my crazy little 4 year old did it!! Scared me Grandma Sugar, but I accept it, because I raised Curtiss and he has "No Fear". and neither does Kempton and I get that.
We like that adrenaline rush we feel. Of course I couldn't be a wimp, So I did climb up and do it. Not well, and only once, but.....GRANDMA can STILL HANG, (and do a 'face plant' into the water)

A nice beach lunch with grilled hot dogs and dogs chasing sticks, and sun and Relaxation to take in the beauty of Canyon Lake. I always took these AZ lakes for granted. Now I see how beautiful they are. We saw cranes, and other birds, and a big horn sheep.

Curt & Jen's dog's are hilarious. They LOVE the water. They jump right in and will chase sticks for hours. Tug the white one, dives underwater for stuff. I'm not kidding. He is like a seal. You have to see it to believe it. I have it on a video but I don't know how to post video. whaaaaaa.

Me and Kempton going overboard to swim over to where the swing rope is. Little Brooke and Jen went too for the adventure.
I know these lakes well, and as I mentioned spent a lot of hours on them growing up. I went on my first dates on these lakes, I met my first husband, Pat, I had my Sweet 16 Birthday Party out here. I've fished, camped, learned to ski, jumped off cliffs, and brought my children out here when they were young. I'm comfortable and happy around water and my children.

Kempton turns Four

2011-07-10T23:32:00.000-07:00

KEMPTON TURNED FOUR!! He liked 'licking' the frosting off first.

"GENTLEMEN, START-YOUR-ENGINES!"

From ages, 1 to 90. All having fun and staying cool.

Little sister celebrating, big brother's Birthday.

You can always expect a BIG SPLASH, and fun with Curtiss.

And of course Mr. Beals, acting like a kid and had to share some of his toys.

It was a Fun Party for my Kempton. He turned four. He went swimming, played with squirt guns, slid down slides, jumped off the diving board and ate pizza. Then they had a power wheels Nascar Race. It was hilarious. Then cake, ice cream, and presents.
A good time was had by all.

A time for every thing (Turn, Turn, Turn- The Byrds)

2011-07-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

ECCLESIASTES 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to'get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Fun on the Fourth

2011-07-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

Well we had a nice time together celebrating Independence Day this year over at Sheila's.

BIG Fireworks are now legal here in Utah, and Ted did not disappoint with a "BIG Show"!

Sheila and I were experimenting with our camera's. Fireworks are HARD to photograph. I think next year I'll concentrate on the faces of the spectators more.

That is not a 'cane' in Ted's hand. That is his 'lighter'. Seriously. He's hilarious.

Blogging a couple pictures of my North Carolina kids.

2011-06-27T21:40:00.000-07:00

Well, since Brandi doesn't blog anymore I thought I'd snag a few of her beach vacation pictures, so I could have some. She was able to vacation with her Aunt Sheila and Uncle Ted with all her cousins on a beautiful North Carolina beach. Grandma was there and I'm waiting for her to post some pictures on her blog, so we can all enjoy some more. I also want to know what happened to Shauna's blog? Facebook is ok, but I do miss some of our family blogs.

And, speaking of Sheila........looks like she's doing the dance, 'The Swim' to some beach boy music.

A pain in my neck

2011-06-19T21:27:00.000-07:00

Friday I went to a PAIN Specialist for a cervical epidural. The pain in my shoulders and back, with numbness down my arms and into my fingers have been getting worse over this past year. I have another ruptured disc that is pushing against the nerves in my spinal cord. I also have bone spurs in there. I really do not want another surgery. So hopefully this will help the pain. It lasts up to 3 months on some patients. I hope it works for me.
So far, so good.

The Fray

2011-06-16T09:26:00.001-07:00

NO COMMENTS

Summer Snow.....

2011-06-14T17:15:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love SNOW CONES? Especially when they are made by ONE of my favorite Nieces.
It's a family tradition!

Prayers

2011-06-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in him."
-Nahum 1:7

2011-06-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

June 7th, the day my daddy went to heaven. I think about him all the time. We had a lot of good times.   We laughed a lot and talk a lot about sports, politics, religion, our children, and he was always there to help me out and answer questions. I miss being able to just pick up the phone to ask him stuff I don't know. I know he's happy on the other side. I know I will see him again in a little while.

Now that I am gone,
Remember me with smiles and laughter.
When you need to cry,
Cry with you mother and sisters who walk in grief beside you.
When you need me,
Put your arms around someone and give to them what you need
give to me.
Look for me in the people I've known or helped in some special
way.
You love me most by letting your love reach out to our loved ones.
Love does not die--people do.
So when all that is left is love....
Give me away as best you can.













(That poem was given to all of us girls from Russel and Kim Lax)

                                                                                         happy-happy

A time for Celebration

2011-06-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

A Day of Celebration. Mom's Birthday. Sheila got her 'beach essentials for her North Carolina
Trip, and I gave her Sunflowers for Happiness.

TJ Graduated from High School and we all met up for a nice patio lunch at Market Street Grill.

I finally got Baylee to stand still and smile for me with her sis, Shauna.

The Proud parents of TJ.

Amber, Garrett, Sadie, TJ, and Grandma Gloria Heap were there to share in the Celebration.

    Grandpa Theo Heap telling one of his funny stories or giving TJ some good advice.
                                          It was a nice day. Of course we all missed having my dad there.
                                               Dad's love was all around.

June snow trip with mom. ( about 20-30 minutes from my apartment)

2011-06-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

Mom and me took a little afternoon drive to check out the skiing conditions. Just in case she & I want to go skiing this week-end.

The roads were clear all the way up the mountain, but they were still pushing snow off parts of the parking lot still. Snowbird got 6" of fresh snow this past week end to add to their 760" this season.

It was a very nice day. Not cold, and no wind. They estimate they will be open until July, weather permitting. Talk about spring skiing. Or in this case summer skiing. The lifts are only open on the week-ends, but the restaurants, and gift shops are open during the week. This is also the ski resort that Greg worked at for about 17 years, when he first moved to Utah. He was in his 20's back then.

As you can see, not really cold. Just a long sleeve t-shirt, or sweat shirt was sufficient. The picture doesn't show the depth very well, but if you walk off the road there, it's easily up to your knees.

Now, don't you know when I saw this sign and it said no parking or stopping, That I just had to 'Stop & Park'. (I'm such a rebel.) I did try to walk up closer to the sign, but I quickly found out it was deeper than it looked, and snow fell down into my knee high boots. hahaha.
Well we ended our nice afternoon with lunch at Applebee's and it was very good. By the way, they have a new 'Weight Watcher' endorsed menu with meals under 550 calories. I got one, and it was very good.

The Month of May

2011-05-28T23:24:00.000-07:00

So, here I am wrapping up the month of MaY. Mothers Day was a nice day. I talked with all my kids and we are all doing fine. My mom was in Arizona getting ready to come here to Utah and get out of that Arizona heat. Well, it certainly has not been hot here. I haven't seen here take off her sweatshirt yet. She also took me out for a wonderful Birthday dinner. MAY 7th was Curtiss's 29th Birthday.
He spent it studying for final exams and getting free crispy cream doughnuts and a free lunch somewhere. Glad he took a break for his free meals.

Last week I took mom and Sheila to lunch at The Point Restaurant at the Huntsman Hospital. It has a beautiful view of the whole city and the food is not bad either. I think they enjoyed it. I know I did.

The weather has been so crazy here this May. Greg and I have got a couple days in on the golf course between the rain, wind and snow. Yes that's right SNOW. So anyone that wants to come and ski Snowbird Ski resort, as of today they have got 760 inches of snow this year. They just announced on the news tonight that will be open on the week ends until July 4th!

Monday is Memorial Day and if I have an opportunity I will shake a serviceman hand and thank them for their service during these difficult times and remember those who have died. Remember to pray for them and their families.

Well I guess that's about it for May.

Let's see what's in store for me in June.

the kids are all fine

2011-05-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful little Hummingbird.

The blond baby of the gang.

The fun big brother

                                                The Dare-Devil Diver.

These are four reasons why it's hard sometimes to live in Salt Lake City.
      Today though, I'm thankful for the telephone. I'm thankful for cameras.   I'm thankful for the computer and the technology that I'm able to stay in contact with my kids.

Anna had a ballet recital. Lexi had a dive meet and won second. Brooke has been learning how to swim and keep up with her Big brother.   Kempton has been practicing his driving skills and learning how to ride a 2-wheeler.   Brandi and Curtiss have been taking finals. Jen has been taking classes, cooking and running a household and Matt has been busy starting his own business. David is doing fine and got an A on his psychology final.
Everyone is healthy, happy, and busy.   Good things to be grateful for.

A Little Getaway

2011-05-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

A little Getaway , to Mesquite, NV. We loaded our golf clubs, swimsuits, ice chest, snacks, and Sugar and took off like a couple of geese and headed south.
Friday we golfed 9 holes and then came back to the hotel and hung out by the pool and relaxed.
Check out the BURT REYNOLDS pose!
Saturday we played 18 holes at the Casa Blanca Resort. It was a great day. We saw SO Many different kinds of wildlife. Lots of birds. A hawk, crane, red-wing black birds, roadrunner, ducks, geese, and others. We saw a TURTLE sunning. It was big. Probably about 24 inches in diameter. I tried to get closer for a picture, but he dove in the pond. He was FAST!

Happy Mothers Day

2011-05-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY MOMMY!!

Me and mom have a lot of fun together.

We travel together and have a lot of fun and laugh alot. Since last year or so, we went to the Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Sedona, San Diego, Sea World, Montezuma Well, Flagstaff, and several other stops between Salt Lake City to Mesa.

My mom is such a good example to me and my children.

Hope you enjoyed the cookies mom.

2011-05-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY CURTISS!

I can't believe he's 29 years old. He has become such a nice young man.
He is a fun son to have. He is a good husband, and a fun dad.

He does it all. Works, goes to school, cooks, and takes care of kids. Him and Jen are real partners.

Way to go Curtiss. Keep up all that hard work in school. It will pay off soon.
HAVE A HAPPY DAY. I LOVE YOU!!

I'm getting better every year.

2011-04-30T00:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to me.

A tasty cupcake, some snow covered tulips and an overall nice day.

So, what does one do for their 50++ birthday? Well, I'll tell you what I did. I went to my gynecologist and had a lovely pap smear, blood drawn for hormone imbalances, peed in a cup, which by the way is getting harder to aim at and see. Then the Dr. gave me an order to have my breast 'pressed' and photographed, (mammogram), and then off to have a tube put up my 'poop chute'.
Now for my real treat, and Entertaining pleasure, I got to go to my new therapist. This one is a female, and she is a real 'Hoot'. I love it when I find a therapist whose 'crazier' than me. Perfect.

birthdays are getting more and more 'special'.

APRIL FLOWERS

2011-04-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

APRIL FLOWERS

The month of April flower is the daisy, or the sweet pea, depending on which book you read. I like them both.   April is my birth month. Usually, here in Salt Lake spring is beautiful. This April has had an unusual amount of rain and SNOW. (190 inch snow base @ Snowbird ski resort, 6" last night)   The daffodils, tulips, and other flowers have popped up, though. I enjoy walking around my neighborhood and enjoy the many flowers but due to the weather, Sugar and I have not been able to do it much.   Anyway, here's a little info about Daisies and Sweet Peas.

Daisies- there are 1,000's of species of daisies. They come in all different COLORS.
             The name Daisy comes from "Day's End" because the flower is only open during the day, and then
              closes at night.
              Symbolism- the daisy symbolizes purity, innocence, loyal love, beauty, patience, and simplicity.
              Daisies have been used to decorate hair pins over 4,000 years ago. And we still use them today
                for that purpose.   They are also edible, and used in teas.

Sweet Peas- Sweet peas come in red, pink, white, lavender and a rare yellow.
                     Back in the 1700's they were used at every dinner party and weddings.
                     Dried petals make for excellent potpourris.
                     Symbolism- blissful pleasure, good bye, thank you for a lovely time, and innocence.

I have a special place in my heart for SWEET PEAS because, I love the way they smell, and that is my
    "pet name" that Greg called me when we first starting dating.   Ahhhhhhhh....

                      so WHEREVER YOU ARE, ENJOY SPRING TIME!!

Doodle Dolls with love

2011-04-24T23:20:00.000-07:00

                                  Doodle Dolls

Do you know what a "doodle doll" is? I didn't- but I love them.

Sweet Older Sister sent me these doodle dolls that she created, and when I opened them it was just the smile that I needed.   A matter of fact, it was 4 smiles. 3 of which look like my sisters!

I don't think we realize sometimes how much just a smile or a short note can mean to someone.   Here's one example of how the simplest thing, such as doodling on a piece a paper can uplift someones whole day or week!
That extra 5-10 minutes that it takes, to find an envelope, and a stamp, and look up an address, can mean so much to the person that receives it at the end of day.

I would like to challenge all of us to carry a couple of postcards or envelopes that are already stamped in our purses or car and if you think of someone that might need a smile or hug (by mail) you can simply DO IT.    Many times during the day we think of it, but never quite find the time to follow through and do it.

          Thank you, Sweet Older Sister
   for taking the time to make me smile and feel loved.

G-Day

2011-04-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

G-Day. GOLF, GREEN, GEESE, GREG, GOOD.

Lessons on Agony (by Christopher Dryden)

2011-04-17T13:11:00.001-07:00

Thoughts and Views of Christopher Dryden
27/02/2011 Insights From Matthew – Lessons in Agony from Gethsemane
By zambydmcd
Even though I know how the story goes and even though I am aware that the outcome is far greater than this episode, the final hours of Jesus’ life before death as recorded in Matthew chapter 26 and 27 remain the most painful portions of scripture in the book. I read it and I feel anguish and pain and I’ve got nothing to do with it, I’m not there I am here. I am seated with a laptop … on me lap, in a cosy home in typical suburbia. Yet still I feel it.

It can be seen in a microcosm in the Gethsemane. I’ve read this before, but as with most experiences of reading scripture I can read it again and discover issues in it that I had not detected before. As I read of Jesus in Gethsemane in the context of what He is about to endure, I pick up some crucial lessons in learning about agony.

Agony of Rejection and Betrayal

The request is straightforward to the three who follow Him further in the garden – stay and watch with me. What is remarkable about this request is that Jesus is asking among the three one guy who He has already predicted will reject him three times. Indeed earlier that evening He has informed His followers that one of them will betray Him.

This is not the best day in the world to be looking for some help and companionship, but here is the Messiah, the King of the Everlasting Kingdom expressing His vulnerability and need.

What makes this part all the more intriguing is that if we go strictly by what Jesus prays, it’s hardly something that lasts hours. It takes less than two minutes to say it. Even given the possibility that it incurs other words or emotions, for the disciples to hear the pleas of their Master and still be overcome by tiredness not once but three times is amazing … and speaks volumes for us all.

I don’t read that and think to myself “I would stay awake, what are these guys playing at?” I read it and silently sob at my own ‘sleeping’ moments where Jesus looks to me to be alert and make a stand. In taking a nap and sleeping it off in effect it reinforces that sense of rejection. It reinforces for Jesus that when He looks for those who will be faithful, He is looking for those who obviously appreciate that they cannot do it in their own strength, by their own willpower – it is so essential to rely on God.

And so on top of everything and as His words come to past with Peter denying Him three times before the rooster crows it sums up something about enduring that rejection and betrayal. That Jesus still behaves with love and a word of warning to His followers says so much about the character of how we are to deal with those who have let us down badly.

It is important to feel that agony – it should hurt that the people we depend on most don’t live up to a reasonable expectation. Jesus teaches me though that in that feeling betrayal and rejection, I must rely on Him to show how to still love these people.

Agony of Loneliness

On the cross, Jesus will cry out words from Psalms. Some think He’s calling out for Elijah, He’s actually crying out to God wondering why has He forsaken Him. That moment, however, is is hinted at with Jesus’ painful prayer in the garden. Here with disciples set to scarper Jesus now appeals to His father in the hope that maybe the cup can pass from Him. It gets back to considering how long did this prayer last and what nature did it take?

You read the text, but there’s nothing there to say that it was said in one go. Each sentiment and statement can be drawn out and considered tearfully, painfully, passionately, emotionally. That’s why I don’t have so much of a problem with the musical rendition of it from Jesus Christ Superstar. I imagine it could have taken a bit longer. I imagine each part of the phrase expresses varying emotions of Jesus.

My Father – plea to relationship, reconnecting in spite of knowing the disconnection to come.

If It Be Possible – this is crazy right? He knows it’s not possible, but with what is about to happen in all of its severity and seeing into the abyss of the separation and loneliness of sin He still enquires.

Let This Cup Pass From Me – to drink this and take on the sin of the world, to take on the wrath stored up, to consume that which separates us from God and thus momentarily be separated Himself. To go through all that is not just something you want to avoid, it is something that even the Son of God is now … having known for so long that this is His destiny now wants to bypass. Just dwell on that as the ultimate concept of loneliness. Dwell on how that applies to those who stay in sin. Dwell on the price that Jesus is paying. I can’t believe He’s just saying this phrase as though He’s strolling around saying ‘good morning’. Full of anguish, pain, pathos and yet …

Nevertheless – sigh of resignation, steeling up, looking beyond the immediate, considering eternal context, grappling with this human condition and recognising again He is more than just a man

Not As I Will, But As You Will – the wonderful reality of this type of agony in loneliness is that although He is alone, He is not alone. Submitting to His will is submitting to Him. Submitting to Him is like falling into His loving arms all over again.

This is the crucial lesson to learn in the anguish of loneliness, which often follows the anguish of rejection and betrayal. Some people have no one and are literally all on their own. When the best friends leave you and your family deny you, knowing even in the worse suffering the presence of a Father who cares and has willed something far better for you – far greater than the suffering, is more than a consolation.

Only the prize gives us hope in the suffering – only the ecstasy of the crown that awaits can ever overwhelm the pain. Only the promise of His presence and the greater cause can help us swallow the bitterness of the struggles ahead.

Book Report

2011-04-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

I don't really read much. I would like to read more but I rarely finish a whole book. It takes me a long time to read a book. I have a hard time keeping my mind focused on what I'm reading.   I read a paragraph, and then my mind wanders, and I have to re-read the paragraph.   It takes me too long to read a book and then I loose interest. I'm working on it though. David and I have our own little 'book club'. I send him books he's interested in and then I go to the library and check the same book out and we read them and discuss them.
   These are some of the books.
       'Change your thoughts, Change your life'. I started reading this one and sent David one over 3 years ago.  We really like this one. It is about living the Tao. I had never heard of the Tao until I was 45 years old.   500 years before the birth of Jesus, a God-realized being named Lao-tzu in ancient China dictated 81 verses, which are regarded by many as the ultimated commentary on the nature of our existence. The Tao Te Ching or the Great Way, offer advice and guidance that is balanced, moral, spiritual, and always concerned with working for the good.   This is the type of book that is meant to be read slowly. A verse at a time.   David and I refer to different verses regularly for support and calmness.
Put simply, the Tao means Gods way.

'When I lay my Issac down'.   was sent to me by a friend when my world was turned upside down 3 1/2 years ago.   Some of you have read this with me.   This is about having 'unshakable faith in unthinkable circumstances'. This book outlines eight transformational power principles that Carol Kent learned in the process of facing the news that forever changed their lives.

'DAVID, the golden hero whose light shone through the tarnish.'    I have always been interested in King Davids life. I have learned a lot about David from this book. Many things that I didn't know or understand. He was intelligent, handsome, gifted poet and musician, warrior, and leader. He also committed the greatest of all sins, adultery, and murder.   The bible describes David as a "man after God's own heart."
I think David's life offers hope to all of us.

'Brian's Winter' by Gary Paulsen.   There is a whole series of these books by Gary Paulsen.   These were David's favorites while he was growing up and they still are. They are about a 12 year old boy who learns how to survive all alone after a plane crash in the woods.   David learned a lot about outdoor survival from these books. These are short easy reads. I too, enjoy these books.

'Harry Potter'.   A few weeks ago, David was watching Harry Potter and we commented how neither one of us had ever watched it. Well I sent him the first book and he read it in about 2 days so I sent him the next 2 and went to the library so I could start reading it and get to know the characters so we can enjoy it together.

So that's my book report for the last 3 years.
Like I said, I don't read a lot, but I'm working on it.

A Few more Grand Canyon Pictures

2011-04-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

A GRAND Adventure

2011-04-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

My beautiful, adventurous Momma. What a Fun MOM to have! It's no wonder that her & Dad went
everywhere together!

My Eldest Son. Always makes me laughs. He's Fun!

My North Carolina girls. Sunset at that Grand Canyon. Beautiful colors.

Curtiss, Jen, Brooke, and check out my little funny man, Kempton.

Sunrise, sunset

2011-04-04T15:17:00.000-07:00

I just got home from a wonderful trip to the Grand Canyon. We were all so blessed to be able to make this trip as a family. It truly is one of the 7 Wonders of the World.
Although my youngest Grandchildren may not remember the grandeur of it, I hope a small piece of it will remain somewhere inside of them.
It really is breath taking when you stand quietly on the edge of it and try to 'take it all in'.
It is one of God's most magnificent Creations.

In between taking pictures and worrying and making sure the grand kids didn't fall over the edge, and I do mean EDGE!,

This picture captures a song in my head, as I watch my Mom, children and grand children together and the Grand Canyon as a back drop of life in progress, constantly changing....... (you all know it).
           Is this the little girl I carried?
           Is this my little boy at play?
           I don't remember growing older
           When did they?
          When did she get to be a beauty?
          When did he grow to be so tall?
           Wasn't it yesterday
           When they were small
           Sunrise, sunset
           Sunrise, sunset
           Swiftly flow the days
           Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
           Blossoming even as we gaze.
           Sunrise, sunset
           Swiftly fly the years
           One season following another
           Laden with HAPPINESS and TEARS.

Life just keeps on going. Nothing stands still. Change is constant.
So we might as well ENJOY THE RIDE!

I can't help but mentioning how much I missed David.
This is his environment. He loves the outdoors and history, and his family.
He would have loved this family trip.  and with that said...

I say with Gratitude in my heart,   'Thank you Lord for your Amazing Creations and blessing me with the opportunity to share it with my family.'

To see more pictures go to mine or Brandi's facebook profiles. I having trouble downloading some of my pictures.

It's a new week. yippeee

2011-03-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

So, what's new with me??

Glad you asked.

After loosing 45 pounds 3 years ago, and managing to keep it off for 2 years, I have managed to gain 15 pounds of it back over the last 9-12months. That might not sound like a lot to some, but for my 5'3" frame it's 2 GIGANTIC pant sizes!

I'm pretty sure that it is NOT what I'm eating. So it must be the LARGE QUANTITIES I'm eating!

Maybe it's my Winter BLUBBER Coat?

Maybe it's the HEAVY overcast that's all around me?

Maybe it's my JEANS. I mean GENES.

Maybe it's cuz I'm over 50 & have 4 Grandchildren.

Maybe.......????? OK. next subject.

I've been trying to learn about this March Madness Basketball stuff.

Let's see? BYU is doing good. Ohio State is still in it, and UNC Tarheels are still in the "BRACKET". (I don't really know what that means.)

I went to a Christian church meeting today and enjoyed it. I liked the music and the Pastor's message was excellent and relevant. They have a lot of outreach ministries that I am very interested in.

They have Bible Study groups. Military Care Packages, Adult Singles groups, Youth Detention Center Outreach, Good News Jail & Prison Outreach programs, a bookstore, complete with coffee counter and muffins, child care, etc.

The only negative thing I noticed was a lot of jeans and sweat shirts. I was WAY over dressed, in my nice black skirt, pantyhose and high heels. If I go back though, I will continue to wear 'dress atire'.

My psychologist Fired Me this week.

WHAT?

that's what I said. He said I had some 'unresolved issues' I needed to address before he could help me any further. LOL. Uhhhh, really? I really like this guy too. And come to think of it; I like him even more.

So, here I go. Tomorrow is Monday. Let the new week begin.

American Idol, Go to the gym, do some laundry, Survivor, plan what I'm going to EAT, do something nice for someone else, and Eat. oh. Did I say eat again? B-UR-P!!

Running, Driving, breathing

2011-03-16T05:36:00.000-07:00

Another panic attack--
Another spontaneous road trip.
Drove south to St. George, Utah and golfed at Coral Cliffs. It was nice.

Then we kept on going south. First we stopped in Page, and stayed with our friends, Debbie & Bill, and then we continued South to Prescott and spent some time with my girlfriends in Prescott. Penny and Josie. We also all went out to eat at our favorite Italian Restaurant, LaBruzza's. Excellent.

Well, we've gone this far.... Let's go 'sniff' some baby heads. And see Grandma, Curt, Jen, and David.

So we continued on, into 80-90 degree, sunshine and blue skies and just 'showed up' at Mom's front door, and she graciously Welcomed us in. We went to a picnic with the Kids, Pat, Merrilee, & Mom.
We went and surprised David. We got some more golf in. Sat out in the sun by the pool, and mom made
spaghetti, (Grandma Lax's recipe) It was yummy.

And then we were gone......

Roller Coaster

2011-03-08T13:37:00.000-08:00

I love   RoLLer CoASteR rides.                                                      I love the climb to the top and the anticipation of racing to the bottom. Full Throttle!! I love the unexpected turns, and the
'LooP-dee-LooPs'.
The twists and turns, that make you turn SIDEways, and go cross-eyed,
but........
                 every once in awhile, I want to get off and catch my breath.

                                    LIFE...
      "IT IS WHAT IT IS"
                                          roll with it

I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR

2011-03-03T16:36:00.001-08:00

2011-03-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

I'm weak, but thou art strong.......

2011-02-22T23:54:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite Christian speakers. She is straight up and talks about things I can totally relate to in my life. Dad and I use to watch her when she would come on. He say, "Sandy your girlfriend is on in here." And then we would watch her sermen together. I like Joyce Myer.

My Rx for not going "Over the Edge"

2011-02-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

Mexico beaches at Sunset. Authentic Sonora style Mexican food.

Spontaneous ROAD TRIPS.

Springtime and FLOWERS

                                            Homemade COZY food on a cold day.

These are just a few things that help me relax and not go completely INSANE!
   Also...........Pinwheels, Family, Music, Walking, my Pets, Sunflowers, Wine, Jacuzzi or Bubble bath, wide open spaces, the smell of Pine trees, chocolate chip cookies Baking, Golf, and Laughing.

         What do you do to keep yourself from going crazy??

The Sun Came Out.....

2011-01-29T19:32:00.000-08:00

Well the song was right.
The Sun will come out.

Thursday I went to work at the hospital. It sits up on the mountain. Normally you are able to see across the whole Salt Lake Valley.
I couldn't see more than 2 blocks because of the thick, yellow, smog that has been covering the valley.
I have been carrying a lot of stress and weight on my shoulders lately and this 'inversion' crap doesn't help.
So.......
I did what I do best. 'RUN FOR THE BORDER!!'
I went home, got on the internet, found a hotel for $39.00 in Mesquite, NV, packed my bag, Greg's bag, and Sugar.
When Greg came home from work, I said, "I gotta get out here! You wanna come?"
Greg knows me pretty well, and when I say I gotta go he understands.
So, we got in the car and headed south like a pair of geese.
We turned on some tunes and drove out of that 'smog hole' and into
CLEAR, WARM, BLUE, SKIES. Ahhhhh (deep breath)

We had a nice Seafood dinner, sat in the jacuzzi, and in the morning we were on the golf course, in the sunshine.
(I would like to thank those of you who pray for me. God hears and answers prayers. God continues to bless me with strength to keep moving and keeps me from losing my mind.)
HAPPY-HAPPY!

2011-01-26T06:02:00.001-08:00

See that woman over there.....

2011-01-25T22:47:00.000-08:00

See that woman over there
They whisper.
She’s the mom of the boy
In the news.
She’s the one who we
Should blame.
Look at her standing there,
She’s the one who should
Be ashamed.
Angry fingers point her way.
Twists and turns of a boy
Gone astray.
How dare her wake up everyday
She should have done this
She could have done that
They say
If only she had changed her way
She could have stopped
That tragic day
They whisper and judge as
She passes by
They glare and sneer and wonder why
They hope she suffers
And feels the pain
Lies in her bed with guilt and shame
She shouldn’t laugh and feel any joy
She’s the one who raised the boy
Make no mistake
The pain is deep
It never stops, or even sleeps
She smiles at times
But they can’t see behind her eyes
They point and yell and throw their stones
They hope she dies all alone

It makes it easier.....

2011-01-19T11:54:00.000-08:00

I finally found someone to work out with me! It's usually just me and the BLACK EYED PEAS, AND a couple of  MY IPOD Friends.
   I got GREG a membership to the gym, and he is actually going with me and he likes it.
Even if we don't loose any weight, we are just trying to stay kinda healthy.
                 GOTTA KEEP MOVIN'!

2011-01-12T18:39:00.001-08:00

I want OUT of this INversion

2011-01-12T16:46:00.000-08:00

INVERSION-

Call me crazy, (because I am), but I'm pretty sure this inversion thing is affecting my energy, my mood, and my pain. The toxins in the air, the pressure, the decreased sunlight, is very depressing.
I want to get out of here!

Somebody Stop Me! (or buy me some new jeans with an elastic waistband)

2011-01-09T16:35:00.000-08:00

In the last 3 weeks, I've eaten more food than I've eaten in 3 MONTHS!
   "SOMEBODY, STOP ME!"
It started with, Ted's Seafood Chowder, and continued on.......   mom's lasagna, Curts's Prime Rib.
pizza hut, taco bell, mexican food, chinese food, sushi, a cheeseburger from Whataburger, calamari, black eyed peas, cornbread, tortilini soup, cream of broccoli, Waffle House, grits, IHOP, real buttered popcorn, onion rings, cheesecake, chocolate brownie with ice cream, stuffed french toast, chorizo burrito, homemade green chile enchiladas, DAIRY QUEEN, and more!

HIGH HO, HIGH HO,  It's off to the gym I GO.   (maybe tomarrow)
       It was sure good going down!

GOLF-- It's becoming a Favorite FAMILY pastime

2011-01-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

Greg and I were able to go to Arizona for the holidays. Christmas Eve we went over to Vallerie's for mom's Lasagna.   Christmas morning we went over to Curt and Jen's to see the kids and By means of the Internet  we were able to see Brandi, Matt and the girls.

   We are becoming quite the
   GOLFING FAMILY.
Brandi got a NEW set of GOLF CLUBS!
Kempton got a NEW set of GOLF CLUBS!
Brooke got NEW set of GOLF CLUBS!
and   I got 2 NEW GOLF CLUBS!

The weather was great and we Golfed with Pat, Golfed with Curt and Jen. Golfed with Kempton and Brooke and had a great time.   Jen did Great her first time out on the course.   Kempton will be out driving me soon!
I never thought that I would be golfing this much. I love being outside with my family and friends.

(I still can't format my blog posts the way I want it. I want the pictures arranged differently. I know there's a way to do it. I see and click on different buttons, but it doesn't do what I want it to! It's very Frustrating. but you get the idea.)

2011-01-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

Smiles and Fun.

Look, it's a bird. it's a plane. No. It's Curtiss playing with his remote control helicopter!

Grandma and Whipped Cream. Yumm!

Lots of Good Food.

2010-12-26T23:30:00.000-08:00

Curtiss prepared a wonderful cut of Prime Rib for Christmas Dinner. It turned out great.

Why is Jen sitting on the floor peering through the oven door? Well she has a very important responsible. Can you guess what it is??

MANGA! MANGA!